Still Life with a Charlie

He’s got his black turtleneck on, and he’s ready to be art.



Fruit-Based Milestones


Your Fetus at 13 Weeks

It is apparently a thing in all pregnancy-related publications to give you a week-by-week look at what your fetus is up to, and more importantly to let you know what fruit it’s the size of. For example, at 13 weeks my Fetus Pal is now the size of a peach. Last week s/he was the size of a lime, and the week before that, the size of a slightly smaller lime. How long has this been a thing? When my grandmother was well along in her pregnancy, was she told “This is coming along nicely; that fetus is the size of a winter melon?”

According to official sources, here are some fruit landmarks we’ve hit so far. (And by “official sources,” I mean and I need them both in case the first saddles me with an unappealing fruit for the week.)

  • Blueberry
  • Raspberry/Grape (depending on who you ask)
  • Kumquat
  • Fig
  • Lime (small and slightly larger)
  • Peach

Some official fruit and veg-based milestone I have to look forward to in the weeks to come include my Fetus Pal reaching the size of a(n):

  • Avocado
  • Turnip
  • Bell Pepper
  • Heirloom Tomato
  • Spaghetti Squash
  • Large Mango
  • Rutabaga
  • Chinese Cabbage
  • Regular-ass Cabbage
  • Jicama
  • English Hot-House Cucumber
  • Durian
  • Crenshaw Melon
  • Winter Melon
  • Small Pumpkin
  • And finally, Jackfruit.

I assume these kinds of measurements have become the norm because saying “3.7 inches” can be hard to visualize right away, but I’m sure I speak for most ladies when I say it’s easier to bust out a ruler to see exactly what 3.7 inches looks like than it is for me to accurately visualize a Crenshaw melon.

Please note: None of these are joke fruits. They have been lovingly extracted from actual guides about what’s happening in my uterus.