How Did We Get Here?
Besides the unprotected sex, I mean.
Shortly after learning that I had a little bundle of embryo flopping around inside of me, I started looking for blogs that would guide me through this mind-boggling, exciting, terrifying time in my life. I’d already found the somewhat technical, somewhat condescending go-to health blogs (“Today your little love bunny is the size of a puppy’s snout!” and “25 questions about cervical mucous answered!”), but I had a rough time finding anything for people I deemed to be “like me.” There are exactly one bajillion pregnancy blogs out there, so I’m certain that I wasn’t Googling hard enough, but I mostly found a bunch of crap that used the word “blessings” more than I have the stomach for. There also seemed to be an unstated rule that anyone reading the entries needed to have fluffy early 90s bangs as a prerequisite for maternity. Bonus points if your husband has a goatee.
I was having a hard time pinning down my own demographic, and therefore the appropriate search terms. Typing “early 30s arts administrating nerd-glasses-having lefty pregnancy” yields a Wikipedia entry for Rivers Cuomo, so that wasn’t the right path. When I tried being more general with searches like “organic” or “natural” pregnancy, it was more crap about blessings, but with the twist of not having any C-sections. (I’m probably totally getting one of those; another of my demographics is “cane-walker,” and there’s concern that pushing a human out of my vagina would end poorly for me and my spine.)
Important background info: My spouse and I are the hosts of The Savvy Observer podcast. Through several weeks of listener feedback a couple of years ago, it was objectively established that Andy and I are hipsters. I was kind of excited to learn this; I think it implies that I’m hip. Also, I’d been under the impression that I was too fat to be a hipster, so hip and thin. I know most folk view the term as a pejorative, but I decided to lean into it. Armed with this knowledge, I refined my search to “hipster pregnancy.” After all, if I’m being honest, that’s really what I wanted to learn about. The web yielded nothing of value, just some stray blog posts about blessings and not having C-sections and how hipsters are the worst because they have C-sections. (There are some really shitty blogs out there.) I figured I’m as full of crap as anyone else, so why not start my own blog? I AM THE TASTEMAKER!
So now, I’m here to tell you all about my hipster pregnancy. Maybe you can have a hipster pregnancy just like mine. Or maybe this will serve as a cautionary tale. Either way, thanks for stopping by.
UPDATE: I had the baby, Charlie, on July 22, 2013. So now this is the Hipster Mother blog instead of the Hipster Pregnancy blog. He’s a top-shelf baby, and I’m working on doing him justice as a mom. Wish me luck.