Toddler Tree


Can you tell how high Charlie can reach these days? Yes, you can.

Can you guess how many times we’ve told him not to throw the ornaments? Let’s see… We put the tree up three days ago, so, I think 65 times?

We were smart enough to go to Home Depot and spend $11.50 on two packs of ornaments that billed themselves as “shatter-resistant.” He’s broken one of them, but in fairness, it didn’t shatter. Our usual ornaments aren’t making an appearance this year, and probably not next year either. Because I am a genius.

Where I am less smart: It took me 65 instances of putting ornaments back on the tree before I realized that I could relocate them to a spot where he could’t reach them.

It’s all worth it, because he’s in love with this Christmas tree. He’s been asking Siri to show him pictures of blue Christmas trees at least once a day for the last three months. (Also: Blue trains and yellow school busses.) But, since he talks like a toddler, there’s often some confusion on Siri’s part. She usually thinks we’re asking for something obscene.IMG_0154

There have been some close calls. The other day, I was relieved to hear her say, “I’m not sure what you mean by ‘show me big tits.'” I believe Charlie’s request was in fact “Show me pictures.” When he didn’t get the results he was looking for, he followed up with, “Show me pictures of–” but he didn’t get the full sentence out before Siri responded with, “Okay, here’s what I found on the web for ‘shit myself.'” As I yelled, “No, Siri! Cancel, cancel!,” six pictures popped up. We shut it down quickly, and I think it was mostly Business Baby memes.

Anyway, Siri’s on time out for the forseable future.


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