Inconsolable: Bluth’s Banana Stand Edition


I mean, it IS a pretty great t-shirt

Charlie will be two on the 22nd of this month. I hear tell that the twos are terrible. He’s been foreshadowing the events to come, most recently with this evening’s freakout. While helping me put away laundry, I pointed out that I was folding my banana shirt, one of his favorites. 


“You don’t want me to put it away?”


“You want me to wear it instead?”

(Through sudden hiccup tears), “Okay.”

So, wardrobe change. He’s down to a simmering wimper, but still clearly upset. You know what would make him feel better, if he changed into a new shirt too, prolly! One that doesn’t have encrusted tomato seeds on it, maybe! So I changed his shirt. 

Fury. Sadness. Confusion. Ennui. But mostly rage, through the wailing tears.

This goes on for a solid 20-30 minutes, unabated. Like, surely I accidentally broke his finger or something during our costume change, but he doesn’t seem to be nursing any particular injuries. He hits me in the boob a couple times, to see if that makes him feel better. It does not. I ask him to use his words to tell me why he’s upset, but there are no words. Thrashing on my bed, where I’ve taken him to calm down, his tears flow like a river. Mouth wide open, I can investigate his dental and tonsil health as he screams. (His tonsils seem fine.)

Grandad comes upstairs to see what must surely be the bookcase that fell upon Charlie and I both, rendering me unconscious and and insensible to the cries of my mamed son, who is screaming like he’s taken a hardback copy of Infinite Jest to the skull. Grandad sees me holding Charlie, both of us conscious and neither of us visibly bleeding, and gives me a “what-the-hell?” look. I explain that I think Charlie’s mad about our t-shirts. Grandad takes him from my arms, and Charlie immediately stops crying. 

The problem, apart from wardrobe design, was just too much Mom. It’s the tail-end of a long weekend, after all. Charlie and his grandad are playing in the basement right now. I’m laying on the living room couch, drinking a beer. For the time being, everyone is happy. 

Charlie is awesome and hilarious, but dude. Get it together, kid. 



  1. The first thing that came to my mind was “Put the Banana Shirt on Charlie! On second thought, “NO, that is not a good idea”. What would Grandad have said seeing Carlie wearing Mom’s clothes right after hearing the boy screaming as if being tortured?
    It reminds me of the time our neighbors dropped their 3 children off for me to babysit. Their youngest, still in diapers had soiled hid disposable diaper. All I had were the old fashioned cotton ones that Sam used to wear, so on goes the cloth diaper. Oh oh, I hadn’t saved any plastic pants to put over the cloth diaper…surely there had to be one somewhere! Quick to the Cedar Chest… There was the big baby doll with her plastic pants covered in lacy frills all over the back. On it goes! I can’t describe the look on the father’s face when he saw his Son wearing “Can-can” plastic pants! I’m sure to this day Walt has not forgiven me for that breakdown in judgement on my part. The little baby is now around 30 years old and is a Sheriff in Indiana. But that still doesn’t excuse me from wanting to dress Charlie up in your Banana T-ShirtšŸ‘¹

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