Toddler Pocket-Translator

Charlie is walking like a champ, and has been for months. Now he’s moving into more heroic feats like running, climbing, dancing, and moving furniture. But for the last five months or so, his only word has been “Dad.” And sometimes “Dada” and once “Daddy.” The dude likes Andy, and anything exciting gets called “dad” right now. That part of the book he likes? Dad. Discovery of a cat in the room? Dad. Grandad? Dad. Toy train? Dad. His dad? Dad. He also says “Mama” and “yoga,” but I’m not convinced he means either. It’s mostly a series of “uh,” with rising or falling inflection to convey meaning. In case you find yourself in conversation with my one-year-old, this quick guide, when combined with your context clues, will help you to understand the nature of the matter at hand.

“Uh? Uh?”: 

  • “Will you read me ‘Go, Train, Go!’ for the 11th time?”
  • “Might I imbibe some breast milk?”
  • “Where are you taking me?”
  • “Seriously, guys, what’s the deal with this cat?”

    Seriously, guys. Have you SEEN this cat? He does great work.

    Seriously, guys. Have you SEEN this cat? He does great work.

“Uh. Uh.”:

  • “I’ve removed the contents of this shelf and placed the items on the floor for ease of tripping over.”
  • “No green beans for me, thank you; I shall throw these unnecessary food items at my father.”
  • “Oh, hi, everyone. Just FYI, I’ve pooped.”
  • “Buster the Cat, I think you’ll be happier if I shared my book with you. Allow me to hit you with it.”

“Uh! Uh!”

  • “Dance party! Wave your arms!”
    “ZOMG, you guys, this series of toys from Grandad makes noise and lights up when you hit it real hard! Amazing!”
  • “I have strong feelings about blueberries!”
  • “Holy shit, you guys, we have TWO cats!”

“UUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! UUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! ::breath:: UUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

  • Just because you can crawl up onto and jump off of the coffee table doesn't mean you should. Make better life choices, son.

    Just because you can crawl up onto and jump off of the coffee table doesn’t mean you should. Make better life choices, son.

    “Buster the Cat didn’t like it when I hit him repeatedly with the spine of ‘Go, Train, Go!”

  • “You won’t let me jump off the coffee table, even though I figured out how to climb and stand on top of it all by myself and I therefore DESERVE to free fall from its heights!”
  • “I have been maligned!”
  • “I got mad about having been maligned and intentionally slammed my head on the hardwood floor and now my head hurts a lot and I blame you!”
  • “TEEEEETH! I have them!”
  • And finally, “CRIB! I’m in one!”

Should you find yourself in conversation with Charlie and stumble along the way, don’t worry; he’s very persistent, and with a series of pantomimes he’ll eventually successfully indicate to you that he would like a bite of your delicious houseplant.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s