Hipster Mother vs. The Baby Bullet

Baby Bullet: Maybe it’s easy for you.

Charlie started solids about two months ago. We’re in the phase where we can introduce a new, single-ingredient food every three days (so if he has a bad reaction, we can tell what caused it.) Today was New Food Day, so I used the the Baby Bullet to blend up some mandarin oranges. As far as I can tell, the Baby Bullet is just an easy-to-use mini-blender with lots of accessories that allow you to make and store your hippie-friendly, non-poisonous baby foods. My father-in-law has made it his personal mission to make and store homemade baby food in bulk, so most days, the extent of my involvement in preparing Charlie’s meals is to take the container of puréed pears out of the fridge and to mix it with an appropriate amount of rice cereal. But I like being able to make Charlie’s food, so I’ll do it as often as I’m able. The Baby Bullet is seriously easy to use. You just need to screw the bowl thing into the base and put the lid on, and press it down to turn it on. However. HOWEVER. Do you know how many times I have successfully taken all of these steps? Zero. Zero times. Every attempt to feed my child solids looks like the “before” segment of an infomercial. I may not have to worry about it anymore, because I can’t imagine that the motor is going to work anymore after being saturated with that much mandarin orange juice. It survived the Great Pineapple-Banana Disaster of 2014, as well as The Cantaloupe’s Revenge, so maybe there’s hope. When it finishes drying, maybe I’ll try again.

Every mom-friendly device aimed to make my child-rearing experience a revolutionary breeze has caused me to reconsider my fitness at being a human. The instructions will often make explicit claims that it’s simple enough for a new mom to figure out. At first read (I think on the instructions to the wipes warmer), I thought, “These instructions are insulting! Also this is too hard and now Andy’s in charge of it.” I couldn’t refill the wipes and clean the whatnot inside without wipes flying everywhere. The diaper pail? I could not figure out how to open it, and then I could not figure out how to change the liner without diapers flying everywhere. The humidifier? I can’t disinfect it weekly as recommended without water flying everywhere

So, a word to all manufacturers of easy-to-use baby products: Assume that I have a squirming baby in one arm and that I am 55% more sleep-deprived than you imagine. Now please invent an easy-to-use product to help me get puréed oranges out of a blender motor.

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One comment

  1. Don’t feel too badly – I also had problems with that damn diaper pail!!!! I know some people who write instruction manuals and let me tell you – they TRY to make it easy for us!!!

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