What Bleb Hath Wrought

Many of you may have read about my recent adventures and thought, “A plugged milk duct or a nipple bleb look like a lot of fun. Maybe I should incorporate this hobby into my life!” Now of course, whether to engage in the lactation dysfunction lifestyle is a choice best left to you and your heart. But lest you jump in blindly, consider the hidden costs:

  • $55 in non-refundable New York theatre tickets
  • $150 in non-refundable hotel reservations
  • $26 in non-refundable bus tickets
  • $40 in OB office copays
  • $135 in lactation consultations
  • $23 in lecithin supplements
  • $20 in nipple ointment
  • 8 or more hours of sick leave, depending on your level of commitment to this project

Total: $449 in cash-money

These costs are only for the first two weeks, and assume that you’ve done advanced prep work and already own ice packs, heating pads or hot water bottles, Advil, pure coconut oil, olive oil, cotton balls, nursing pads, and Neosporin. But this budget also assumes that you’ve foolishly made plans to do anything other than tend to your milk duct during these crucial first two weeks. If you avoid making any plans for vacation or entertainment, your non-refundable forfeitures, and therefore total bleb starter costs, may be much lower.

If, in spite of the costs, you still think that a plugged milk duct will enrich your home life, your work life, and your sense of well-being, I highly recommend taking this path. It’s one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do, but also one of the most rewarding.


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